From blooming coffee to overtraining — a cautionary tale with electrolytes
“Two years ago, my idea of endurance was waiting for my V60 to bloom.”
I had never worked out a day in my life
I blamed genetics. I blamed metabolism
I’m North Indian — I blamed my fat-storing ancestral genes passed down through parathas and generational trauma, forcing me to snack in the middle of the night
It started Innocently. A bike ride.Then two. Then three. Then suddenly I owned more Lycra than formal shirts and was arguing about titanium frames with strangers on the reddit
I thought that was rock bottom
But no. Rock bottom is weighted & has 8 stations
Enter: HYROX — the functional fitness Hunger Games, except you pay to suffer and get a patch instead of a trophy
Act 1: The Couples Who Rox Together
Me: recovering from a shoulder fracture
Saloni (my better, saner half): lingering torn ankle ligament
My left quad: just gave up for attention
Us: “Let’s do this together. As a bonding experience”
Reader, we nearly un-bonded at the sled push
Two humans questioning their marriage mid-burpee
She ran with her torn ankle ligament and didn’t complain once
I ran with my strained quad and complained every 400m
Our kids cheered like it was the Olympics. Then asked for snacks.
Act 2: The Social Cost of Fitness
To my friends:
Thank you for still inviting me to parties, despite the following sins:
• Turning down alcohol & dessert
• Turning down samosas, which honestly is cultural betrayal
• Leaving early because “I have a long ride followed by a mobility session tomorrow morning”
You're the real ones
Act 3: I Would Like to Thank The Academy of Biohacking
To Peter Attia, Huberman and the entire tribe of longevity-obsessed masochists:
Thank you for convincing me that doing Bulgarian split squats and tracking blood glucose is normal human behaviour
I now live in a world where:
• Sleep is measured in HRV
• Hunger is a glucose wave pattern
• Fun is wearing compression gear to brunch
Act 4: The Learnings (Because it’s Linkedin, I must pretend to have learned something profound)
“HYROX didn’t just change my body. It gave me content for weeks. And that’s the real ROI”
1. Burpees are colonial punishment disguised as fitness
2. Pain is temporary. But screenshots of your results? Forever
3. Fatigue builds character. And also calves. Sometimes
4. Kids cheering for you mid-wall ball is powerful — especially on one of the 27 no reps
Closing Line (dramatic, sweaty, emotionally manipulative)
“I started late. I got injured. I skipped dessert.
But I finished a HYROX race with my wife, in front of our daughters, with a limp, a patch, and enough trauma to power six TED Talks.”
Would I do it again?
Of course not
See you next year
HYROX FromCholeToChlorophyll NorthIndianFatGenes FriendsWhoStillInviteMe
LongevityCultMember WheyTooTired PeterAttiaIsMyCoachSpiritually
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